I've been feeling sorry for myself all night. I spend alot of time online, browsing online shops, wishing I had one, wondering why no one wants anything of mine...and then it hit me: I've never put myself, or my product (whatever that is) for that matter, out there for people want. I haven't even narrowed down what I want to do exactly, and when I'm asked, I give vague answers. I feel like this time I've been given (thanks njjn!) is for a reason and I need to use it wisely. I've been brushing up on a few technical things, getting comfy with a few problematic programs, and making lists (oh I do love making lists.)
It's sort of clear to me that I need to take some classes if I want to truly feel comfortable selling my skills to anyone. This is my main reason for not putting myself out there. I just feel like when it comes down to it, a degree matters- maybe more to me than to a potential client. I think that if I were able to explain things in a text book kind of way, and use programs in a text book kind of way, rather than just shrugging and smiling and saying I just learned by playing. I'd have added confidence. Not that there's anything wrong with learning by doing, I just want to make sure I'm doing things correctly. My interests are diverse and I know I jump all over the place. I just think it would help if I focused and learned things in a more traditional way, if for no other reason than to help me feel better about myself.
I've been looking at some summer courses, starting in June that will get me back in the swing of things, and push me further down this path.
I just hope that our finances aren't too strained between now and then, that I can actually pay for some courses. My grades were perfect when I was going to school in the past, so maybe a scholarship or something is possible.
It's kind of funny, all this inspiration and drive was caused by looking at some shoes.
Today was a surgery milestone. Shower day. Every time I thought about the surgical wounds and removing the dressings, I was riddled with anxiety, so when it came time to actually go through with it, well, it's no surprise that I got cold sweats and almost passed out. Jon said my face turned blue.
I got through it though. And I went out in public with Jon. We went to the A&P for ginger ale (The pain meds are making me nauseous, again) and we saw my old boss, Jaime! I was happy to see her and we talked for awhile. Then I went home and felt sick some more and laid down til 11:30. Now I'm wide awake and wish I was still tired.
-(12-08) LIKING:
burritos, knitting for babies, dr. pepper, little potatoes, mitered squares, my bed, the ocean, travel, sleeping in my bed, Jonathan Safran Foer, tenament museums, linen, Air (the french band), Hugh Laurie, Intervention, babies, Iron & Wine, Clive Owen, letterpress, Yeats,
gray, mini-pigs, hotel chevalier, tea, pigs, Quebec, being anywhere but here (nj), modern simple quilts, autumn leaves, white on white, paper, lily snoring
