Hey guys. I've been sorta avoiding blogging because I really don't have much of anything positive to say. The last few weeks have sucked for me. Losing Dee was very sad, and I'm also having such a terrible time getting over losing my baby. I cry alot, I can't focus on anything... I try to just sleep the day away just so I won't be alone that long. It's been hard. I know I was only pregnant for a few short weeks, but I think it's the fact that i wanted it so bad, and had been trying for so long, it was like a dream come true and I immediately was so happy and fulfilled and everything was going my way. I instantly was in love with the idea of being pregnant and having the baby and I made all these plans and had all these hopes and goals for this baby.... only to have it all fall to pieces.
It might sound dumb, but the only thing really helping me cope right now has been knitting and knitting and knitting my little hands off. I've finished several pairs of socks and started several more. It's compulsive but it helps. It's meditative. I don't need tv - because when i do watch, I find myself drawn to shows about babies and adoption and all of these things that I can't handle emotionally yet. Ugh. Well here's a mosaic I made of the socks I've been working on/finished lately:
Jon and I have kind of agreed that I should start seeing a therapist again, to help me get through this. I've become pretty anxious and worried about the idea of trying to conceive again. I'm really terrified of losing another pregnancy. I am hoping that with time and talk, I can get past this and want to try again:)
-(8-08) LIKING:
baking, my bed, sleeping in my bed, indian food, my birthday, Ricky Gervais, tenament museums, linen, Air (the french band), Hugh Laurie, Intervention, babies, Iron & Wine, Clive Owen, buttered toast & strawberry jam, letterpress, Yeats,
Robin's egg blue, Fabrizio Moretti, 30 Rock, mini-pigs, hotel chevalier, steak, Paul Rudd, spring cleaning, tea, young Paul Newman, pigs, Quebec, Foreign Films, ginger ale, Rohinton Minstry, Montclair NJ,
modern simple quilts, sewing animals, summer, hating infertility, white on white, paper, cute french & japanese things, stamps and ink
